Navigating Grief and Loss: Steps to Emotional Healing
Grief is an inevitable part of the human experience. Whether due to the loss of a loved one, the end of a significant relationship, or other life changes, grief impacts everyone differently. While the process of grieving can be deeply painful, it is also a crucial part of healing and moving forward. In my practice as a clinical counsellor, I work with individuals to help them navigate the complexities of grief and loss, using a trauma-informed and compassionate approach.
Understanding Grief
Grief is a multifaceted response to loss that involves emotional, physical, and psychological aspects. It can manifest as sadness, anger, confusion, guilt, or even relief. Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’ five stages of grief—denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance—are widely recognized, but it's important to remember that grief is not a linear process. People may experience these stages in varying sequences, revisit stages multiple times, or feel stuck in one for a long time.
Each person’s experience of grief is unique. The way we grieve is shaped by cultural background, personal history, relationship with the deceased, and our support systems. There is no "right" way to grieve, and it’s important to allow space for all emotions that arise.
Loss Comes in Many Forms
While the death of a loved one is perhaps the most recognized form of grief, loss can come in many shapes. Divorce, job loss, illness, the end of a friendship, or even moving to a new place can all trigger feelings of grief. These losses can be equally significant and deserve acknowledgment and space to heal.
For survivors of trauma, grief can also be intertwined with feelings of injustice or unresolved pain. The loss of a sense of safety, autonomy, or connection can complicate the grieving process, making it more challenging to navigate.
Coping with Grief: What Helps?
Grief can feel overwhelming, but there are ways to support yourself through the process:
Acknowledge Your Feelings: There is no "correct" way to grieve, and all emotions are valid. It’s important to acknowledge what you’re feeling, whether it’s sorrow, anger, confusion, or even numbness.
Seek Support: You don’t have to navigate grief alone. Whether through friends, family, or a professional counsellor, connecting with others can provide comfort and perspective. For those who feel isolated or overwhelmed, support groups can be particularly helpful.
Establish Rituals: Rituals, both traditional and personal, offer a way to honour loss. Lighting a candle, visiting a meaningful place, or creating a memory box can provide a sense of connection and continuity.
Engage in Self-Compassion: Grief is a process that requires patience. Allow yourself time to heal, and avoid the pressure to "move on" quickly. Engage in self-care practices like journaling, meditation, yoga, or nature walks to nurture yourself during this vulnerable time.
Work Through Guilt or Anger: It’s common to feel guilt or anger after a loss. Whether it's anger at circumstances or guilt over things left unsaid, these feelings are natural. Processing these emotions, whether through journaling, talking or therapeutic methods like Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR), can help release some of the weight they carry.
The Role of Therapy in Grief and Loss
Therapy provides a safe, supportive environment to process grief and the emotions that come with it. As a trauma-informed counsellor, I integrate narrative therapy, existential exploration, and techniques like EMDR to help clients make sense of their loss and find meaning in their experiences. Therapy allows individuals to explore their emotions at their own pace, without judgment.
In my practice, I offer Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) an evidence-based therapeutic approach that is often used to help individuals process trauma, and it has also proven effective in addressing grief and loss. EMDR works by helping the brain reprocess distressing memories in a way that reduces their emotional intensity, allowing individuals to move through overwhelming emotions that may be blocking the healing process. Here's how EMDR can specifically help with grief:
1. Processing Traumatic Grief
When grief is connected to a traumatic event, such as a sudden death or a traumatic relationship ending, the memory of the event can get "stuck" in the brain. This means that even long after the event, the person may feel as though they are reliving the emotions, sensations, or thoughts associated with the loss. EMDR helps by reprocessing these traumatic memories, allowing the brain to store them in a way that reduces their emotional impact. Through bilateral stimulation (typically eye movements, but sometimes tapping or auditory tones), EMDR activates both hemispheres of the brain, promoting the brain’s natural ability to heal.
2. Releasing Complicated Emotions
Grief can often bring up complicated emotions, including guilt, anger, shame, and regret. For example, a person might feel guilty for not doing enough for a loved one before they passed, or they might hold unresolved anger about the circumstances of the loss. These emotions can become deeply embedded and prevent someone from moving forward in their grieving process. EMDR allows individuals to revisit these emotional memories in a safe, controlled way, helping to "re-wire" the brain's response to these emotions and enabling a release of their intensity.
3. Integrating Positive Memories
In the midst of grief, especially when it involves trauma, it can be hard for individuals to access positive memories of the person they’ve lost or to remember meaningful moments. EMDR can help shift the focus from the pain and trauma to more balanced recollections of the person or event. By reprocessing painful memories, individuals often find they can access more positive memories and emotions, creating a more holistic experience of their grief that allows room for healing.
4. Alleviating Physical and Emotional Symptoms
Grief often manifests in physical symptoms such as tension, headaches, digestive issues, or fatigue, as well as emotional symptoms like anxiety or depression. EMDR can help alleviate these physical and emotional symptoms by reducing the distress associated with the grief. As the brain reprocesses the loss, individuals often report feeling lighter, more relaxed, and better able to cope with day-to-day life.
5. Facilitating Closure
While EMDR doesn’t erase the pain of loss, it can bring a sense of closure or resolution. This doesn’t mean "moving on" from the person or event, but rather finding a way to live with the loss in a healthy, integrated way. Many individuals report feeling that they’ve regained a sense of control over their emotions and thoughts after EMDR, which can be particularly helpful in the grieving process.
6. Supporting New Perspectives
Grief can sometimes create limiting beliefs such as "I’ll never be happy again" or "I’m responsible for this loss." EMDR can help reframe these beliefs, creating space for new perspectives that support healing. Clients often come away with a more compassionate view of themselves and their experience, which can promote long-term emotional well-being.
EMDR helps by directly targeting the emotional and psychological pain associated with grief, offering a way to process it in a healthier, more manageable way. By addressing the traumatic or unresolved aspects of loss, individuals can work through their grief with greater emotional clarity and peace.
If you are grieving, remember that healing takes time. There is no deadline for feeling better, nor is there a set path. Grief is a personal journey, and by embracing it with patience and support, you can eventually find a way forward.
If you need help navigating your grief, I’m here to offer support. Together, we can work toward healing and discovering a path forward that honors your loss while allowing for new beginnings.